Stinky or verstunkener "Hone"

I hate it when people on TV say they "honed in on" something or another when they "homed in on" something. One can "hone" or "sharpen" one's skills or "hone" or "sharpen" a blade. Homing in is what a guided missile does on a target.

fershtunkener plumbers

I have the urge to shout "stupid plumbers!!!" Actually they're pretty smart. They arrange things so they'll always have work to do. Every time I do a repair to my fairly new house it's the same story. After fixing the faucet or toilet or whatever, I stand back with pride to see how it functions and then I hear the drip, drip, drip of the shutoff valve. I know these valves are not made to take constant turning on and off, but how about ONE on-off cycle. Tomorrow, I'll make another trip to the hardware supply store and buy a new shutoff valve. Crawling under the sink to replace the valve with a new one will be a worse task than the original job. I pray that the fittings won't leak, because that's the next weak point in an unending chain of misery.

Traffic Circles

An example of the distance between the expert elite and the user is the difference of opinion concerning traffic circles. Traffic engineers love round-abouts, circles or rondpoints. They will defend them in the face of public outcry . In theory, a traffic circle is ingenious. You have four or more streams of traffic miraculous merging and crossing without a signal or sign. The flow is smooth and safe. That's the theory. In fact, stress levels are so high in people trying to get around that they will drive miles out of the way to avoid them. One can find many funny and scary videos on the internet illustrating the madness at traffic circles all over the world. When it doesn't work properly and safely, the traffic engineers blame the drivers who they claim are driving too fast or don't know the rules of negotiating the circle properly. In fact there are no rules but survival of the fittest when it comes to these monsters. I've been told by several local policemen that the best policy is to ignore the "rules" and drive slowly on the right very, very, very defensively.

fershtunkener inevitable

I was doing a little research on the internet in preparation for a talk to be given by a warmist at our philosophy club. He was to make a presentation about his visits to Alaska and the shrinking of the Arctic ice cap. My search led me to the existence of massive polar volcanos that melt glaciers and emit carbon dioxide, a fact of which I wasn't aware. The volcanos add another element to the model of the global energy balance; another poorly understood element that cannot be quantified. My intent here is not to reopen a discussion of global climate change, but something philosophically broader. Let us assume that a sufficiently accurate model cannot be created and ask ourselves a few questions about that situation.

What does one do when science is not powerful enough to yield the required information about the risks of the future? Getting away from the controversial area of climate change, we can take collision with an asteroid or oversize meteor as unmodelable, yet the risk exists and the consequences would be massive. What is the rational strategy in such a situation? Arguing that we should do something, because the result of not doing something is huge, is fallacious. Edward Teller pointed out the logical fallacy of multiplying a probability that approaches zero by a consequence that approaches infinity which yields an indeterminant risk.

It would seem that at a high level of ignorance or a reliance on providence requires a strategy of flexibility. Decisions in favor of flexibility allow one to wait as long as possible which in turn decreases uncertainty. Adaptation is clearly the way to go, because it gives you precious time in an unknown environment. An example of an adaptation would be a local dike rather than shutting down energy consumption worldwide.

fershtunkener first-graders

It was my first time as a first-grade volunteer. As I entered the classroom, the teacher welcomed me and immediately one little five year old came running up to hug me. I had heard that these kids were as much in need of affection as tutoring. The teacher quickly intercepted the child and sternly told him to sit down. My heart melted and I was thinking that she was kind of harsh to what seemed like such a needy child. She then said, "Watch out for Jacob. He gets a runny nose full of snot and looks for any adult he can wipe his nose on."
There's a life lesson to be learned here for a bleeding-heart liberal.

Dumb Commercials

One of the dumbest TV commercials in the world has to be the one by Brinks Home Security. It tries to convince the consumer that some evil-doer is just outside your door waiting to smash it in and attack you and your family. In this particular version, a mother and young daughter set the front door alarm. Moments later the door is crashed in by a hoodlum. The alarm goes off as they run upstairs presumably to get to a safe room. On their way down the hallway moving at top speed in a panic, they come to a screeching halt as the telephone rings. It's Brinks Home Security inquiring about what set off the alarm. Of course, it might just as well have been a tele-marketer. Remember, in an emergency, when the lives of you and your child are in danger, always interrupt your escape to answer the telephone.

Fershluggener Washing Machine

While dog-sitting at my daughter's house, we took the opportunity to wash some clothes. While the machine was running, I tried to do some plastering around the new shower. I had to stop after awhile because the washer was driving me crazy. It kept repeating "Running bear. Running bear. ........" I'm sure you've all had that kind of experience. It recalled to me camping in a tent along the Loire river and being awakened in the morning to the cooing of doves that repeated over and over, "You're so damned stupid. You're so damned stupid." If you search the web you'll find among other sites the following one:

http://listverse.com/2008/02/29/top-10-incredible-sound-illusions/

A most interesting one is "Phantom Words", a repeated sound that eventually become a word in your own mind. When I played it this morning, all three dogs snapped to attention and a normally silent dog began to bark.

Although most auditory illusions refer to music, some are based on "defects" in our mental interpretation of sound into words. It would be interesting to be able to separate L-minds from C-Minds in this way, or at least as an IQ test that would distinguish intellect from indigestion.

On a tree by a river a little tom-tit
Sang "Willow, titwillow, titwillow"
And I said to him, "Dicky-bird, why do you sit
Singing 'Willow, titwillow, titwillow'"
"Is it weakness of intellect, birdie?" I cried
"Or a rather tough worm in your little inside"
-Gilbert and Sullivan